Dilettante Comics: August 2019

Friday, August 30, 2019

Off to Battle

A woman in military dress: Okay, soldier! I don't want to hear any whining or excuses out of you. There's a battle out there, and you are going to go out there and fight to your very last breath! Do you hear me?!? She's shown to be talking to herself in a mirror, smiles, and takes off her hat. She's next shown to be in a Kindergarten classroom, where she is the teacher, and gets mobbled by students. Kid 1: Hi, Miss Jory! Kid 2: Look what I can do with my tongue! Kid 3: I jumped in a puddle, and now my shoes are wet. Kid 4: Can we play with the blocks? Kid 5: Say something silly! Kid 6: I saw a bird! Kid 7: Ooh! Are we painting today?

Or in other words, bring out the animal crackers! It's already a circus!

I've managed to avoid most direct interactions with kindergarten classes since I got out of elementary school, but looking back I think my teacher must have had superpowers.

Friday, August 23, 2019

We Just Came for the Cake

Aliens in a flying saucer abduct a wedding cake, to the bride's fury.

Just a very serious reconnaissance mission to observe Earthling culture. Yep.

Friday, August 16, 2019

Fangs for Brushing

Two vampires prepare to brush their teeth, one with an absurd amount of toothpaste on her brush. "You can take chances."

Given that fangs are the most prominent feature of the typical vampire, I'd kind of be surprised if they didn't develop some rather elaborate dental-care rituals.

Friday, August 9, 2019

Piñata Hockey

A pair of ice hockey teams go after a moose pinata, with candy spilling everywhere

A violent sport involving whacking things with a stick and a violent party game involving whacking things with a stick are now merged into a single, glorious, sugar-coated disaster in the making.

And it was good.

Amen.

Friday, August 2, 2019

Swimming Gag

"Look! I learned to do something besides running!" This tasteless doodle was brought to you by the author of Dilettante Comics, who was too tired to come up with anything better. See you next week, if I wake up.

Predictable and probably done before, but here we are. My future self will probably look at this and cringe, but my present self is past the point of caring.