Dilettante Comics: 2025

Saturday, November 29, 2025

Different Breed

Werewolves are banned from entering the dog show. A werewolf walking a second werewolf on a leash. Official: The rules don't allow for this. Bystander: You put your brother on a leash?

Just your everyday werewolf shenanigans.

Friday, November 14, 2025

Schrodinger's Romance

A cat's new boyfriend is Schrodinger's cat. Other cat: You know, I'm not convinced you have a boyfriend. Cat: No, he's real! Probably. She sits next to a box labeled "Property of Schrodinger"

To both have and have not a boyfriend...

Friday, November 7, 2025

The Sand of Sea-lence

"Hello sharkness, my old friend..." song by Seahorse and Garfunkelp, a Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel parody with a fish and shark underwater

More bad puns, brought to you by a music nerd.

Friday, October 31, 2025

Witch Way Holiday

A group of witches are flying through the Halloween night sky on broomsticks. Witch: Halloween! At last, our most beloved holiday! Mavis: Technically, my favorite is Saint Patrick's Day. Witch: Not now, Mavis.

To be fair, both have Irish origins.

Anyway, happy Halloween!

Monday, October 20, 2025

Iris Osiris

An Egyptian eye with images of Osiris in the iris - Os-Iris

One of my dumber jokes, but here you go.

Friday, October 10, 2025

Light It Up

Thanatos: You know, it would be cool if-- Hel: I'm not putting an LED light in my eye socket. Thanatos: But it would look so cool. Hel: For the 8000th time, I said no. Thanatos: It would be enlightening! Hel: Still no.

If he gets rejected another 2000 times, he gets a free doughnut.

Saturday, October 4, 2025

Jolly Reaper

Osiris reads through a book of pirate flags. Osiris: This one? Grim Reaper: No. Osiris: This one? Grim: Nope. Osiris: What about this? Grim: Still no. Okay, I posed for this one, but that's the only one. He points at a picture of one with a non-skeletal human on it. Osiris: Now, why don't I believe you?

Everything starts somewhere. Just not necessarily here.

Sorry I missed last week's comic update. I've been busy getting a book published!

Friday, September 19, 2025

Brown Bear

Brown bear, brown bear, have you any wool? No, I'll eat you, you poor fool. I'll munch the master and I'll crunch the dame, And I'll gulp the little boy that lives down the lane. (a grizzly bear roars at some people running away screaming)

Baa, baa, black sheep, what do you see?

I see a screaming crowd running towards me!

Friday, September 12, 2025

Bloodstoning

Vampires at a gem and mineral show keep getting bloodstones chucked at their heads. They don't get it. Vamp 1: It says here that bloodstone was believed to help stop bleeding. Vamp 2: I still don't get why people keep throwing them at our heads.

There has to be some kind of bonus achievement for causing a vampire to bleed via bloodstones.

Monday, September 8, 2025

Bactrian Halfpipe

A mouse creature uses the two humps on a bactrian camel's back as a skateboarding halfpipe

There's more than one way to use a hump.

Friday, August 29, 2025

High School Lesson #0007

Student listens to music as she studies, while chaos goes on behind her. High School Lesson #0007: Music is a great study aid.

Got to concentrate one way or another.

Saturday, August 23, 2025

High and Low-ku

Poem on a scroll: Roses are red Violets are blue 'Cause this is a rhyme And not a haiku.

I can't even pretend this isn't one of my lamest offerings. But I tried.

Friday, August 15, 2025

Practice Prey

A vampire incompetent at hunting bites photos of people in magazines to compensate, to the others' disgust. "This doesn't count, and you know it."

Some guys just aren't very good at hunting.

Monday, August 11, 2025

Milkweed

A monarch butterfly drinks milk from a chocolate milkweed plant. There's also a sign for a milkshakeweed plant.

Monarch butterflies having good taste.

Friday, August 1, 2025

Grassy Green

A guy stands on his green lawn, looking out at one with red grass. Guy: Why does the grass always seem greener on the other side? Friend: Color blindness will do that to you.

Lack of watering, or weird grass seed? You decide.

Friday, July 25, 2025

Duck and Cover

A couple of people secretly watch a person in a baseball duck sports mascot costume. At last! We'll finally find out who's underneath the Dillville Duck costume! The mascot pulls off the mask, revealing a real, ordinary duck underneath. Huh.

Well, at least it's appropriate.

I thought giving the costume baseball eyes would be funny, but it might haunt my dreams tonight. Though given what some of the real mascots are like, I'm not sure it would actually stand out in a lineup.

Friday, July 18, 2025

Double Roosted

Two roosters yell at each other - "I'm better than you!" In the middle of the night. The hens and the farmer aren't getting any sleep.

More isn't always a good thing, especially where roosters are concerned.

Friday, July 11, 2025

Weird People

A family out hiking are very excited to see a deer. The deer thinks they're a bunch of weirdos.

It's the price of celebrity.

Saturday, July 5, 2025

Nature's Fireworks

Nature's Fireworks A family is disappointed when the city Fourth of July fireworks display is postponed due to a thunderstorm. But then they watch in awe the lightning instead. Radio DJ: Sorry, folks. The firework show has been delayed half-an-hour because of the weather. Be patient as we wait it out. Aw! Ooh!

Happy Independence Day!

Monday, June 30, 2025

This Little Mine

A miner mines crystals and sings: "This little mine of mine, I'm gonna make it shine..."

It amused me at the time.

Friday, June 20, 2025

Walk Away

A librarian tells some kids who are running "Walking feet!" They promptly start doing running handstands.

Exploit that technicality!

Friday, June 13, 2025

Fairy Whales

The Swim Brothers Book of Fairy Whales

Contains a very strange mashup of "Snow White" and "Moby Dick."

Friday, June 6, 2025

Motor Toter

Things you don't want to overhear at the DMV: "I've been waiting in line since yesterday." "47th time's the charm!" "Yes! My Sherman tank is officially registered!" "How do you know this isn't my real face?"

That first panel isn't much of a stretch.

Friday, May 30, 2025

Vampiric Zodiac

The twelve zodiac constellations vs how vampires see them: Aries - blood drop Taurus - cape Gemini - candelabra Cancer - fang Leo - plague rat Virgo - dinner Libra - O-negative blood unit Scorpio - lemur tail (don't ask) Sagittarius - castle Capricorn - beating heart Aquarius - little cat of the blackest night attacking a puppet Pisces - bat wing

Each culture has its own constellations. Including the obnoxious ones.

Tuesday, May 27, 2025

Bouncy

"Mom! The cat swallowed the basketball again!"

Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to.

Friday, May 16, 2025

Platypus Mix-Up

Some platypuses contemplate a creature that looks to be a reverse platypus, with a duck body and a beaver head. "Something's wrong here."

When the strange gets stranger.

Friday, May 9, 2025

Cute and Little

What a cute little morsel for lunch! A predator dinosaur preys on a small, cute plant-eater, only to realize a little late that the smaller dinosaur is also a vampire.

I just couldn't let it go at one vampire dinosaur.

Friday, May 2, 2025

What the Llama Dragged In

A house llama carries in a cat the way a cat would a mouse. "Dear? Your llama brought you a present."

The llama is very proud of himself.

Friday, April 25, 2025

Vamposaurus Rex

Some Tyrannosaurus rexes are very unimpressed with a vampire T-rex. "Can't you just eat your food like a normal person?"

The need for vampirism seems a bit questionable at this point.

Friday, April 18, 2025

Wrong Tool For the Job

Macho man tries to paint Easter eggs with a paintball gun. It goes about as well as you'd expect. "When you said you were painting Easter eggs with paintballs, I thought you were joking." "I probably should have been."

I guess Easter eggs are harder to find when they're in pieces.

Friday, April 11, 2025

Unstaffed

Music notes fly off a page: I don't think this sheet music was stored properly.

The music shall go forth unto the world! ...one way or another.

Friday, April 4, 2025

Butterfly Pox

A kid is sick in bed. Mom: Your friends are bringing over your homework. Kid: Please don't tell them I have butterfly pox.

Not exactly the easiest fashion statement to pull off, even when intentional.

Friday, March 28, 2025

'Snot Enough

What happens when your body is dealing with a cold virus* An anthropomorphic goblet cell performs a summoning spell, opening a portal to fight the virus. "I summon this beast from the Phlegm Dimension to drive out my enemies!" *may not necessarily be scientifically accurate

This is basically just me trying to explain how such an impossible amount of gunk manages to fit into my sinuses.

Sunday, March 23, 2025

Grown and Blown

A gardener sighs as she's blown away by the wind. "I don't think I'm going to get much gardening done today."

March weather being March weather.

Friday, March 14, 2025

Not-So-Sweet

A spacecraft is out of fuel and stranded. So we're out of fuel. Yep. And stranded. Yep. In hindsight, a candy-based propulsion system wasn't the most effective choice.

There are ways to be both whimsical and practical. This isn't it.

Hopefully they have real food on board, lest they be tempted to try and eat the hull.

Friday, March 7, 2025

Big Kitty

A tiger carries a man in its mouth up to an old lady. Man: I found your cat.

Insert obvious "what the cat dragged in" joke.

Saturday, March 1, 2025

Hero Dog

Superhero version of Rosey has the power of a cast-iron stomach, and uses her power to free her fellow canines of the temptation to eat a ton of chocolate cookies. Rosey: With the power of my cast-iron stomach, I shall save you from the temptation to eat chocolate cookies! Dog: Hooray! My hero!

Inspired by my old dog Rosey. You be the judge on whether she actually used her powers for good.

Saturday, February 22, 2025

It's Been a Long Week

It's been a long week. Here's a ninja bilby riding a purple dik-dik.

Don't question it. Although do go ahead and look up pictures of those tiny antelope, because they're adorable.

Friday, February 14, 2025

A Questionable Standard

How to make an industry standard romance novel cover: 1. Get a guy and a girl. 2. Drape them in each other's arms. 3. And have them stare into each other's eyeballs. 4. At the same time. 5. Half-close their eyes, which apparently shouldn't make them look bored. 6. Make the guy shirtless (optional). 7. Uncover one of the girl's shoulders (mandatory). Variation A: Have the guy standing behind the girl, while she looks over her shoulder vaguely in his direction. Variation B: Apply the above steps, but with their heads beyond the page boundary. Theoretically their heads should still be attached, but you never know.

Working at a library, I notice certain trends. I like to collectively call them "yes, you can judge a book by it's cover." Judge 'em hard. They've earned it.

Friday, February 7, 2025

Hoarded

A dragon is engulfed by a hoard of adorable killer pink bunnies. dragon: I'm fine... other dragon: I told you that you weren't ready for this kind of hoard.

Hoarding behavior can be dangerous. Even if it's very cute.

Friday, January 31, 2025

A Vision of Evil Television

"So, what is your first act as Evil Overlord?" "I'm producing two TV shows. One is a gritty urban fantasy entitled "Mystic Justice". The other is a courtroom comedy entitled "Mistook Justice". They star the same actors and use very similar sets. They shall alternate at random in the same time slot." "It'll be hard to top this."

Absolutely petty, and absolutely guaranteed to annoy everyone. Buckle up.

Friday, January 24, 2025

Wereceratops!

Beware the Wereceratops! (a were-triceratops under the full moon)

That's three horns and six tons of trouble. Have fun.

Friday, January 17, 2025

Pocket Veto

A man gets caught trying to pickpocket from a woman. Police: Caught you, you dirty pickpocket! Woman: Fool! This dress has no pockets! Pickpocket: Curses!

The one time when this is a good thing.

Friday, January 10, 2025

Gift From a Gorgon

A gorgon offers a guy a present topped with a snake tied into a bow. Guy: I am somewhat suspicious of this gift.

Such good little snakeys.

Friday, January 3, 2025

A Good Point

The princess of Balloon Land is cursed that before evening on her sixteenth birthday, she'll prick her finger on a spindle and die. The king points out that as balloon people, any of them would die if they got pricked by anything. Including the wicked fairy. After one of the soldiers holds up a needle (to make a "point"), she cancels the curse and makes a hasty retreat. Evil fairy: I curse your princess! Before evening on her sixteenth birthday, she'll prick her finger on a spindle and die! King: We're balloon people. Any of us would die if we got pricked by anything. Including you. A soldier smirks and holds up a needle. Fairy (making a hasty retreat): Curse cancelled! Have a nice day!

Let's assume the knight has a permit for that.

Subscribe to: Comments (Atom)