Invasive Species

Mankind has unleashed many terrible things upon the world.  Coal ash contamination.  Riced cauliflower.  The 1970s.  But the threat of feral snowboard packs surpasses all of that.  

So do your part.  Monitor your snowboard's activity, and report any wild snowboard sightings to the authorities immediately.  

Thank you. 

Optimistically Honest

Parents generally only say the first two words, but kids still hear the other twenty-two. 

Ice Scream

It occurs to me that this may be the most horrifying thing I've posted on here, other than that incident from figure drawing class.  But to be fair, there's a wendigo here.  Vampires and zombies have nothing on giant, cannibalistic, winter monsters. 
The good news is that they're not invincible.  Experts agree that they can be countered with heat, sunshine, and Beach Boys music. 

Vital Fluids

I know it's a little early for harvesting maple sap (or at least according to what I've read, since I don't live in Vermont), but I couldn't resist.  Though I have to wonder, if this makes sap "tree blood," does it also make blood "people sap?"
I won't go any further with this tangent, as I'm certain it won't lead anywhere in good taste (pun not exactly intended).