Friday, December 30, 2022

Sunday, December 25, 2022

Christmas Tree House

a tree house decorated with Christmas lights and ornaments

I'm not sure this is the intended meaning of "deck the halls," but we'll allow it.  

Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 23, 2022

Friday, December 16, 2022

March of the Kings

T-rexes as wise men

Granted, they're tyrant lizard kings, but close enough.  

As a side note, for some reason "March of the Kings" is one of the songs I frequent when idly humming.  At all times of the year.  I have no idea why that particular song stuck. 

Friday, December 9, 2022

Christmas Avalanche

A mailman is overwhelmed by a flood of letters erupting from a mailbox.   "How many letters to Santa did you write?!?"

Definitely too much of a good thing.  

Note:  I'll color this thing properly eventually, but right now I need sleep.   

Edit:  And now there's color!  It's a pre-Christmas miracle! 

Friday, December 2, 2022

Adventurous Calendar

A zookeeper constructs an advent calendar for the snow leopards, consisting of 24 meats tied to a long garland, with one being snipped off and dropping into the enclosure every day.   fellow zookeeper:  When you said you were making an advent calendar for the snow leopards, I somehow knew this is what you meant, but prayed I was wrong.

Start placing your bets on how long it'll take before the leopards get an advance sample of the rest of the days.  

Friday, November 25, 2022

Savanna Western

A cowboy and giraffe look off into the sunset

Not exactly the most traditional (or practical) steed, but there's a sunset that needs walking off into.  

Friday, November 18, 2022

Friday, November 4, 2022

Saturday, October 22, 2022

Saturday, October 15, 2022

Adequate Preparation

Thor and Tyr head down to Helheim.   Thor:  I take it you haven't been down to inspect the Underworld before? Tyr:  No, I haven't.  Why? They're greeted by Hel and her underlings flinging snowballs.   Hel:  Snowball fight!!! Thor:  You didn't bring a helmet.

Helheim tends to get a bit chilly this time of year.  And all the other times of year.  

Friday, October 7, 2022

Vaudeville Act

The Grim Reaper wields a scythe:  Your time is up.  You will walk among the living no more. The Grim Reaper wields a vaudeville hook:  Your time is up.  You will perform crummy routines on this stage no more.

And so my weird October tradition once again commences.  Meaning that it's lasted way longer than that second guy's performance. 

Friday, September 23, 2022

Compound Interest

A honey bee models for an eye liner poster:  New ommatidia eyeliner Compound your eyes 20% Maybeeline limited edition collection

I will resist the overwhelming temptation to make any jokes about how she's the "queen bee" or "bee's knees."  There must bee something more original. 

Friday, September 16, 2022

Five Elements

Wizard:  With the magic of this crystal, you will each be given the power of one of the five elements! Wind!  Water!  Fire!  Smoke!  Mold!   Kid:  Wait, classical elements, or elements of house damage? Wizard:  No comment.

There's many potential ways that home repair can inspire feats of wizardry.  This is one of the less conventional ones. 

Friday, September 2, 2022

Glazed Over

A unicorn has a bunch of donuts on his horn, with more being added.   "After careful reflection, it occurs to me that this was a terrible idea."


Never put yourself in a situation where you could end up with sprinkles in your eye.  

So...  any volunteers to eat the one on the bottom of the stack? 

Friday, August 26, 2022

Friday, August 19, 2022

Rapunzel's Brother

Rapunzel's brother has the world's longest beard.  "You know, I actually envy girls."

Gimme a head with hair
Long, beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming
Streaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there
Shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there mama
Everywhere daddy daddy

Hair, hair, hair, hair
Grow it, show it
Long as I can grow it
My hair

Friday, August 12, 2022

Fiction Friction

Things a librarian doesn't want to be asked:   "Do you have any books on body disposal?  Just curious." "So, how exactly would you go about stealing something from here?" "Hypothetically, what would you do if a book had an accident with the drinking fountain?" "Where are the books by Jane Eyre?"

Some people go to the library for peace and quiet.  They are not pictured here. 

Friday, August 5, 2022

Jinn Jinx

Person:  So, I assume that I can't wish for more wishes?  Genie:  Actually, you can.  Person:  Really?  Genie:  But I automatically assume all further wishes to be to have a sea urchin lodged up your nose.  Person:  ...Oh.

Wake up, grant wishes, mess with people who try to outsmart the system. 

Friday, July 29, 2022

A Present For You

A cute owl proudly presents a very grumpy mouse

This is a very good owl that deserves all your praise and admiration.  No matter what the mouse says. 

Friday, July 22, 2022

Friday, July 8, 2022

Unscheduled Nap

Some students at a library fall asleep in the middle of their homework

The end result of many, many study sessions.  And a key reason why students have the perpetual hope that they can learn by osmosis. 

Friday, July 1, 2022

Lunar Raver

NASA video-calls some astronauts on the moon, who are currently throwing a very visible rave.  The astronaut on the recieving end is a little sheepish.  NASA agent:  I thought we said no moon raves.

A fun and inventive way to mess with werewolves.  And pretty much everyone else. 

Friday, June 24, 2022

Alternative Tie-Dye

Tie-dying the sheep - Another way of making tie-dye clothes

Impractical?  Absolutely.  But it's an excuse to conduct mad science.   

And technicolor sheep is a nice bonus. 

Friday, June 17, 2022

Friday, June 3, 2022

Return to the House on the Hill...

A horror movie-styled poster featuring an eerily-lit, lightning-struck house.  A homeowner's nightmare!  Return to the house on the hill with inadequate plumbing!

Just because the terror is technically escapable doesn't mean it can't cause screams of horror to rend the night. 

Friday, May 27, 2022

Freeze-Rays

Villain:  You're too late, Depthcharge!  Tremble before the might of my Freeze-Rays!  Soon the world will-  Depthcharge:  "Freeze-Rays"?  Seriously?  Villain:  ...As I was saying-  Depthcharge:  They're actually kind of cute.  You know rays aren't particularly aggressive towards humans, right?  Villain:  Stop interrupting!  Depthcharge:  Hmm.  Looks like you forgot about salt water freezing at a lower temperature.  Villain:  Gah!!!

Some supervillains meticulously craft their plots for world domination, carefully considering all the angles, trying to be one step ahead of the heroes.  

And some of them spend more brainpower on puns and corny monologues. 

Friday, May 6, 2022

Friday, April 29, 2022

Sabertooth Kitten

Little cavegirl with a sabertooth kitten


You probably don't want to know what a prehistoric crazy cat lady is like.  

Actually, I take that back.  I'm jotting that down as an idea for a future comic. 

Friday, April 22, 2022

Sines of the Times

Teenagers in robes gather around a math-themed altar.  Mother:  I thought you were doing homework.  Kid:  We're seeking a sine!

Probably also seeking a cosine.  Probably not the most efficient way to do math homework. 

Friday, April 8, 2022

Origin of Bowling

Ancient Egyptian papyrus showing Pharaoh bowling with his crowns as pins

I checked, and turns out the ancient Egyptians really did invent bowling!  Probably used different pins, though. 

Friday, April 1, 2022

Mouthing Off

Anni and Andrew eat at a fast-food restaurant.  Friend:  I'm surprised that someone without a visible mouth can eat so much.  Andrew:  She's a toon.  She can do what she likes.  *beat*  Do you have a mouth?  Anni:  That's classified.

Ever have those moments when you suddenly take notice of something that previously registered as completely normal?  

Friday, March 25, 2022

Spring Routine

Snow falls on spring flowers.  A bird dressed in a warm coat looks at his shivering friends.  Bird:  Guys, this happens every year.  Stop acting so surprised.  Friend:  but... but...  Spring...

Sun?  Snow?  Violently flip-flopping between the two?  Whatever the weather wants.  It cares not for your puny calendar designations.   And in that regard it's very predictable. 

Friday, March 18, 2022

Werewolf Dogwalking

Walking the dog gets really weird when you're a werewolf at the full moon.

Well, as long as you don't mind people playing the "which one's the pet?" game... 


I wonder how often werewolf parents have to tell their kids to stop eating the dog's food.  

Friday, March 11, 2022

Squirrel Power

Squirrel 1:  You don't actually live here, do you?  Squirrel 2:  No...  But watching the humans' reactions is hilarious.  The squirrel is revealed to be in a hole carved in a power pole.  Human (off-screen):  *&^%$^@#$% squirrels!!!

 Well, squirrels don't have television.  And if they did, the implications would be far more worrisome than an inconveniently-placed pseudo-nest. 

Friday, March 4, 2022

Friday, February 25, 2022

Friday, February 18, 2022

Carrot Cultists

A cat is surrounded by other cats bearing carrots and maniacally hissing "Carrots... Join us..."

I'm pretty sure the cats at my house don't eat carrots.  They do, however, eat corn, green beans, and cantaloupe rinds.   They're actually kind of obsessed. 

Friday, February 11, 2022

Golden Silence

A pair of figure skaters at the Olympics perform a dance routine that involves them thrashing around, slack-jawed.  After they finish, the audience sits in stunned silence, while the reporters try to figure out what to say.  Reporter 1:  You're on.  Say something!  Reporter 2 (covering the mike):  Like what?  That they looked like zombie marionettes?  Reporter 3:  Well, you can't say that...

This may or may not be based on an actual Olympics routine I once saw.  If it is, I didn't search to see who did it, both to protect the guilty and allow me to continue believing that the whole thing was just a fever dream.  

Friday, February 4, 2022

Friday, January 21, 2022

Will Power

A family gathers for the reading of a will.  Executor:  Thank you for coming to the reading of Mr. Telgemeier's final will and testament.  (glances over it)  Oh my...  (Will):  I, Melvin Myer Telgemeier, being of sound mind, do hereby bequeath the entirety of my earthly posessions to the winner of a contest.  This will be between my sister, Telma Wicks, my brother, Brier Telgemeier, my nephew, Jason Telgemeier, and my cat, Pitbull.  The contest will consist of a rock battle on top of double-decker busses filled with grizzly bears and driving at 50 MPH through the streets of Brooklyn.  Fireworks will launch from the busses at 5-second intervals, and all competitors will be required to wear scuba gear and helmets made of aardvark jerky.  But if you guys are wimps and decide that's not legal enough for you, Telma gets the house (and cat), Brier gets my books, Jason gets my guitar collection, and the rest goes to Make-a-Wish.  Executor:  Just to be clear, it isn't even remotely legal.  Telma:  Oh, thank goodness.  Jason:  Aww!

Makes you wonder what exactly his definition of "sound mind" is.  

For maximum effect, imagine "Bat Out of Hell" as the background music for panel #4. 

Friday, January 14, 2022

Friday, January 7, 2022

Packing It In

Wolves drag in an increasingly absurd variety of "kills" from the hunt.  Elephants, narwhals, B-17s...  Alpha:  Looks like we have a good haul this time!  Do you need help with that?  Wolf:  I've got it!  Beta:  Hey, I passed by the park ranger on the way here, and we might need to keep an eye on him.  I've never heard him squeak like that before.  Alpha:  Hmm.  I'll look into it.

Wolf eating habits are a turn-off to most people, but this meal might be worth attending. 

Saturday, January 1, 2022