Dilettante Comics: September 2023

Friday, September 29, 2023

Roses are Blood-Red

A florist is outside her shop, carrying in some flowers. A vampire comes up behind her, she turns around, holding roses. Vampire: Your blood is mine-! Vampire (falling down backwards): Gah! Roses! *hack* can't breathe... The florist considers this for a minute. The final panel shows her putting up a sign in her shop reading, "Ask about our vampire removal services!"

For when you need to repel vampires and aren't as fond of garlic. Hawthorn also works.

Saturday, September 23, 2023

Featherbrain

"...and since phoenixes are reborn from their ashes, using these for construction would allow buildings that catch on fire to rebuild themselves!" "Can we get back to the fact that you want me to build houses out of burning feathers?"

Honestly, if you have enough phoenix feathers on hand to build a house out of, I and probably several governments have a lot of questions for you.

Friday, September 15, 2023

Toga Yoga

A couple of Roman men in tangled-up togas struggle to move, one worm crawling and the other hopping on one foot. Observer: By the power invested in me, I hereby reject "toga yoga" as a new Olympic sport.

The Romans were so advanced that they created the most impractical clothing possible.

And before anyone asks, yes the Romans participated in the Olympics, which lasted nearly to 400 A.D. And they had contact with India, so they may have even heard about yoga! But probably not like this.

Saturday, September 9, 2023

Solomon's Wisdom

A Bible discussion turns to the wisdom of Solomon. 1: Solomon was an idiot. 2: How so? 1: He had seven hundred wives! What kind of moron would think that was a good idea? Cue several panels showing Solomon mixing up his wives names (and subsequently deciding to make them wear nametags), forgetting whose birthday it is, and ending with all of his wives, in unison, yelling at him for leaving the seat up. Solomon: So, Daphna- Abigail: I'm Abigail. Daphna: I'm Daphna! Hannah: Sharis said you told her she's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen! next panel Solomon: Happy Birthday! Lydda: Um, thanks, but it's Tzippa's birthday. Tzippa: Hi. Omah: Honey, we redecorated the throne room! Gitel: And you will like it, or else! next panel All the wives: You left the seat up!!!

When God gives you wisdom, He kind of expects you to use it. And if you don't, well...

Saturday, September 2, 2023

Moose Take

Kid calls on a phone while barricading the door: Hi, Mom! Mmm, okay. Hey, so hypothetically, what should I do if Sadie tie-dyed a passing moose? Let's say the moose is pretty mad.

I'm pretty sure "hypothetically" is the word that strikes more dread into a parent than any other.