Black-Out Friday

To all the employees who have bosses either sadistic enough or oblivious to human suffering enough to force you to have the stores opened before midnight on Thursday, you have my profound sympathy. 

In my tradition of defying stereotypes, I'm a girl who hates shopping, even under normal circumstances (unless it's at a book store and not involving textbooks).  Thus, I am at a complete loss as to why anyone, sane or not, would subject themselves to this.  Hint:  If a shopping spree becomes violent enough to warrant being featured on the MSN homepage, there is a problem. 

I think I'll file this under the "mysteries of the universe" category, alongside Dark Energy, the Bermuda Triangle, and why on earth my roommates thought that having an after-curfew hair-dying party was a good idea. 


...Remind me sometime to tell you the story of how my mother nearly destroyed my soul with pants shopping.  *shudder*

The Inevitable

If something like this happens to you, you're either a pet in the 21st century, or a human who seriously needs to reconsider his choice in friends. 

From Sea to Shining Sea

One botched inspirational speech, brought to you by Dilettante Comics. 

On behalf of the United States, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to the rest of the world for infecting the internet with American political nonsense for the last couple of weeks.  Unless you actually like this stuff, in which case you should probably consider therapy. 

I shall now conclude this post by bringing in a horde of sickenly cute children to sing "It's a Small World."

I'm kidding, I'm kidding. 

...

...You have the song stuck in your head now, right?

Mwa-ha-ha.

The Perfect Distraction

My current theory is that vampires infected the internet with cats (and many other time-wasting websites) in order to keep their prey distracted. 
Actually, a lot of things could be explained as vampiric handiwork.  Anti-glare screens?  So you can't see them sneaking up behind you.  Loud music?  So you can't hear them.  Mind-numbing paperwork?  Much easier to get you when you're half-asleep and/or half-dead, depending on how boring it is. 

...Wait a minute.  It all makes sense now!  Vampires hired Stephanie Meyer to write those dumb Twilight books in order to purposely misinform all those lovesick fangirls so that they'd be easier vampire targets!  And then all the people complaining about how vampires are really supposed to wither and die in sunlight would also become easier targets because it turns out that the thing about sunlight killing vampires didn't start until that Nosferatu film in the 1920's  (yes, that technically means that Stephanie Meyer was actually right about something, but don't worry.  I doubt she knew about this.  And they still don't sparkle). 

At last, the world makes sense!  Maybe.  Sort of. 

Well, it's a start. 


EDIT:  My father kindly pointed out that vampires don't have reflections, making my comment concerning anti-glare screens moot.  Whoops.  In my defense, I typed the above late at night and on little sleep.  I tend to do weird(er) things under those kinds of circumstances. 
On the other hand, maybe they just want you to think that they don't have reflections.  Hmm....

Nah.  Just me being sleep-deprived. 
I'm going to bed now.