My current theory is that vampires infected the internet with cats (and many other time-wasting websites) in order to keep their prey distracted.
Actually, a lot of things could be explained as vampiric handiwork. Anti-glare screens? So you can't see them sneaking up behind you. Loud music? So you can't hear them. Mind-numbing paperwork? Much easier to get you when you're half-asleep and/or half-dead, depending on how boring it is.
...Wait a minute. It all makes sense now! Vampires hired Stephanie Meyer to write those dumb Twilight books in order to purposely misinform all those lovesick fangirls so that they'd be easier vampire targets! And then all the people complaining about how vampires are really supposed to wither and die in sunlight would also become easier targets because it turns out that the thing about sunlight killing vampires didn't start until that Nosferatu film in the 1920's (yes, that technically means that Stephanie Meyer was actually right about something, but don't worry. I doubt she knew about this. And they still don't sparkle).
At last, the world makes sense! Maybe. Sort of.
Well, it's a start.
EDIT: My father kindly pointed out that vampires don't have reflections, making my comment concerning anti-glare screens moot. Whoops. In my defense, I typed the above late at night and on little sleep. I tend to do weird(er) things under those kinds of circumstances.
On the other hand, maybe they just want you to think that they don't have reflections. Hmm....
Nah. Just me being sleep-deprived.
I'm going to bed now.
No comments:
Post a Comment