Dilettante Comics

Friday, October 27, 2017

Seriously Nuts

Sedna: Do you take anything seriously? Thanatos juggles donuts: Nope! Though I wonder what would happen if I did. He stares into space. All of humanity fears and despises me. They mock and reject me, again and again! But I am a Master of Death! If they will not love me, they shall bow before me. The heavens themselves will know my name and despair! AH-HA-HA!!! La Calavera: Um... should we, you know, stop him? Hades: Nah, he needs to get this out of his system once per century. He'll be finished in... three minutes and 48 seconds.

Thank you for tuning in to this regularly scheduled crazy. Donations (and donut-tions) will be accepted, and proceeds will go to the Thanatos Sanity Recovery fund, the Sedna Trauma Recovery fund, and the La Calavera Catrina and Hades Safety Bunker fund.

Friday, October 20, 2017

Plouton Playlist

Hades works at his desk. Persephone approaches: Hey, Hades? Do you... ...Hades? He doesn't respond. Hades? Hades? Hades? Persephone thinks, then snatches off his helmet, revealing headphones underneath: I knew it! Music is heard: Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin', I'm a-stayin' alive, stayin' alive...

The Helm of Darkness is renowned for its powers of invisibility, and is great for hiding lots of things: gods trying to defeat their forerunners, heroes trying to slay monsters, and headphones trying to play the songs that you don't want to admit to liking.
Though that last one doesn't always work out, as Hades and Persephone can attest to.

Friday, October 13, 2017

Lucky Day

Grim Reaper reads a report: So while on the way to mail a chain letter, you took a detour to avoid walking under a ladder, which brought you face-to-face with a guy whom you thought was giving you the evil eye. So to avoid him you took a flight of stairs, but tripped when you tried to avoid the thirteenth step. And then you saw a black cat, and to keep it from crossing your path, you backed... straight into rush-hour traffic. Spirit of a Man: Just take me already. I'll come quietly. Grim: Do you need a cookie?

Friday the 13th comes and goes, but we will always have people who take superstitions way too far. Don't be one of them. The Grim Reaper already has enough to do.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Dogs of Hel

Thanatos looks at Fenrir: Aww, that's a cute dog-wolf-thing you've got

They're back! Once again, October and the annual Deity of Death-fest is upon us. Today we are visited by Thanatos and Hel, along with Hel's brother Fenrir and her dog Garmr. Hel has... an interesting family. Besides being half-skeleton herself, she has a wolf and a giant snake for brothers, and the most irritating being in Norse mythology for a father. She also has a half-brother who's an eight-legged horse, but they don't like to talk about that.

Friday, September 29, 2017

All Bite Long

One zookeeper talks to another standing inside the zebra enclosure: What on earth are you doing Bringing my research to fruition Say what It's simple. If a zombie bites you, you become one. Same with vampires and werewolves. Therefore That's not always Look, I've been bitten by a mouse before, but I didn't turn into one But did you want to become one with the mouse Well, I am ready to join my fellow equids rips off shirt Come at me, zebras You know, I think one of those zebras is a zombie Either that, or it has rabies If our boss asks where I am, tell her I'm moving to Saskatchewan

And the moral of the story is: do a thorough background check before hiring new zookeepers, and double-check their medical histories. It will save you a lot of headache/dealing with authorities/long-winded explanations to hospital personnel.

Or at least make sure your only sane employee doesn't leave town. That would help too.

Friday, September 22, 2017

High School Lesson #5515

Teacher sits on desk and speaks to students Let us take a moment to meditate on the wonders of carbon-14 Yes, the science teacher is for real Stop asking

There are different varieties of science teacher crazy. There's "Ms. Frizzle" crazy, there's "spends the entire year researching the properties of exactly one kind of rock" crazy, and then there's this.

At least it's (probably) a good kind of crazy.

Friday, September 15, 2017

Muffin Mania

Muffins are cupcakes you can justify eating every meal

Breakfast: Blueberry muffins.
Second Breakfast: Cinnamon muffins.
Elevenses: Oatmeal muffins.
Brunch: Jam muffins.
Lunch: Rhubarb muffins.
Afternoon Snack: Banana nut muffins.
Tea: Cream cheese muffins.
Dinner: Ham and cheese muffins.
Supper: Corn muffins.
Dessert: Chocolate muffins.
Midnight Snack: Poppy seed muffins.

English muffins will not be permitted.