Friday, December 1, 2017

End of User

A guy is installing a program and reaches the end-user license agreement page.  He's about to hit the "I accept" button, but his sister asks, "What, you're going to accept it without reading it?"   He complains that it's twenty pages long, but she replies with, "It's the right thing to do."  "Ugh... fine."  He discovers a bunch of interesting stuff within:  "After accepting this agreement you are contractually obligated to perform the chicken dance" and "Screencaps may be distributed if you first submit a photo of yourself stroking a fluffy cat" and "Anyone who modifies or distributes the code without the consent of the developers will be required to freeze-dry, package, and ship himself to our griffin-breeding facility" (freeze-dried gamer!) and "Should you use a copy of this software not lawfully obtained, your bank account will be confiscated by Indonesian vampires, and your name will be placed on Santa's naughty list for the next six years" ("Yup.").  After sitting in stunned silence, the sister asks, "Can I work for this company?"  The boy replies, "Chicken dance with me first."

Ah, the end-user license agreement. That gargantuan, hodge-podged legal document of dubious legality we are supposed to wade through and agree to before using a program, but rarely do in practice. I actually do at least skim through EULAs, mostly because one time I read through one on impulse and discovered a chunk of information that was immediately useful. It's probably a good policy given that if rumors are true, there's at least one company who claimed the user's soul as part of the agreement (as a joke), and another who claimed the right to hack into the webcams of users with bootleg copies of their program (not as a joke). 

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