Saturday, December 16, 2017

Vows of Folly

A student announcer reads the morning announcements:  I'd like to thank everyone for participating in the school fundraiser.  As your reward, we'll be playing Christmas music over the loudspeakers all through today, which will stop only if an additional $500 is raised.  We'll start off with "The Coventry Carol..."  Students:  What.  Announcer:  ...followed by "Christmas Shoes."  Students:  What?  Announcer:  And then to spice things up, we'll play "Dominick the Donkey."  The students start gearing up with festive battle accessories.  Announcer (as aforementioned students are coming up behind him):  Again, we thank you all for your generous donations, and... Uh-oh.

In the name of goodwill and merriment, we smite thee!!!

A depressing song, an obnoxiously depressing song, and a depressingly obnoxious song.  The first is pretty easy to tune out, and can be snuck into a playlist without attracting attention.  The other two are an entirely different matter.  They're probably not the worst Christmas songs in existence, but you'd still be severely pressing your luck should you choose to play them when those listening are able to find your current location so that they may apply either a 2x4 or a fruitcake to your skull. 

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