Friday, January 17, 2020

Sister Humphry's Last Talk

Counselor:  We thank those who helped pass the Sacrament.  Our first speaker-  A woman wearing a bathrobe and hair towel shuffles up.  I wasn't finished.  I... what?  Sis Humphry:  My talk is on Good Works.  Good works is good.  It's in the title.  See?  holds up posterboard with 'good works' emblazoned on it and waves hand over the first word  Good.  For those of you who can't see, that's G-O-O-D.  Good works are good because of the goodness of gooditude that is good.  And God wants us to be good.  Because He said so.  So be good.  Don't kick puppies.  Don't hit babies.  Amen.  She shuffles away from the podium.  Meanwhile, the counselor's jaw drops, while the Bishop sits in horror and the other counselor has a forced, broken grin.

Cue one fainting bishop in three, two...

In a denomination without paid clergy, the congregation is expected to pick up some of the slack.  Normally this isn't a problem, but every now and then you get a Sunday speaker who is... of lesser quality.  This ranges from the ones who can't read their own notes, to the ones who go on wild tangents, to the ones who describe at length bizarre metaphors that make the bishop squirm.  To date, I've never heard tales of any quite as blatantly bad as this one.  I pray it stays that way. 

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