Friday, December 17, 2021

Magi Road Trip

The Wise Men are driven batty by the caravan driver's sons singing a song like "99 Bottles of Pop on the Wall."  ("84 boxes of myrrh on the shelf")

 Don't know how many wise men there actually were, but I can see some impromptu sing-alongs of varying quality and success popping up during the trip.  Especially if, say, an understudy or a caravan driver's son managed to tag along for the ride. 

Friday, December 10, 2021

Friday, December 3, 2021

Friday, November 26, 2021

Asking For It

Girl 1:  Think it's going to snow?  Girl 2:  I hope not.  Erin:  I am a local, and I want there to be snow, and there shall be snow!!!  The next morning, Erin and her roommates see that it's snowing.  Roommate:  We blame you for this.  Erin:  Accepted.

Incident from college.  With students from all over the country, some weren't exactly prepared for cold weather, which I garnered maybe a little too much entertainment from.  Fortunately, most of them were looking forward to the snow as much as I was. 

Friday, November 19, 2021

Head of Security

Car pulls into the driveway.  Rosey:  Intruder!  Intruder!  Intruder!  Erin:  Rosey, relax.  It's just a visitor.  Rosey calms down.  Then another car pulls in.  Rosey:  Intruder!  Intruder!  Intruder!  Erin:  *sigh*

Could be worse.  If dogs had thumbs, she'd probably be preparing Medieval-style defenses.   

I don't think I've shown her here before, but this is my late doggy Rosey (and yes, that's how her name was officially spelled, because I got her when I was nine).  She died before I first started this blog, so I guess it just didn't occur to me to make a comic about her.  Which considering all the excitement her cast-iron stomach caused, it's kind of surprising.  Maybe sometime I'll remedy that.  

Anyway, as pictured, she doubled as an alarm system for visitors.  Sometimes better than a doorbell. 

Friday, November 12, 2021

Friday, November 5, 2021

Paino

People visiting a music store see a piano covered with spikes, with a sign that says "Paino."  "Anywhere else, I'd assume that was a typo."


Rumor has it that it was built in a nice little tower in London. 

The real pain is the fact that the spikes are grossly asymmetrical. 

Friday, October 29, 2021

Sugar Skulls

La Calavera Catrina paints the other deities of death (Hel, Thanatos, and Isis) like sugar skulls.  Osiris is uncomfortable with this.


That moment where you wonder how on earth you got roped into this.  The Grim Reaper is next on the list. 

Happy Halloween!

Friday, October 22, 2021

Not So Keen

Old lady to Grim Reaper:  'Bout time you showed up.  These banshees are getting pretty annoying.


Historically, several banshees appearing at once is the omen of the death of a great or holy person, so this is actually a compliment!  A very, very noisy compliment. 

Fun fact - the Irish spelling of "banshee" is "bean si."  Because Irish. 

Friday, October 15, 2021

Hidden Talents

Bride:  You got ice sculptures for our wedding reception from her?!?  Groom:  Well, it was cheap...  Hel:  And I was promised cake.

Just because she's a half-skeleton Norse underworld goddess doesn't mean she can't appreciate romance or pretty things.  A little ominous for everyone else, though. 

Friday, October 8, 2021

Pushing Up Daisies

Persephone frolics through the underworld, spreading flowers as she goes.  Charon:  Your wife is really cramping my style.  Hades (patting him on the head):  You'll get used to it.

Not exactly your typical underworld aesthetic. 
Well, it's that time of the year when I pull out the Deities of Death, starting with Hades, Charon, and of course, Persephone.  Let the chaos commence. 

Friday, October 1, 2021

Dracula Ants

Scientist 1:  Welcome to Madagascar!  I understand you're here to study trees?  Scientist 2:  That's right.  What about you?  1:  I'm studying Dracula ants!  2:  Say what?  1:  They drink the blood of their young.  The workers have no eyes, and they have really long stingers.  Also, they're endangered, so if you see any, try not to hurt them, okay?  Anywho, I'll let you get settled in.  Sleep well!  Cut to a panel of the terrified newcomer sitting up in the middle of the night, unable to sleep.

Yes, Dracula ants are very much real.  Don't worry - they don't drink human blood.  Probably. 

Friday, September 24, 2021

Dubious Honesty

A mother finds her daughter reading in bed.  "Go to sleep!"  "I am asleep!"

Let us close the curtain of charity on the remainder of this scene.

Friday, September 17, 2021

Champion of the Joust

A knight at a jousting tournament is dismayed to find that his opponent is an actual centaur (who is very popular with the ladies).  "Oh, come on!  How is this fair?"

Good luck knocking this guy off his horse.  

It occurred to me that I've drawn quite a few jousting-themed comics.  I don't know why it keeps happening.  But I'm okay with this. 

Friday, September 10, 2021

Pop-Up Book

A dad observes as his child's new popup book fires a rocket into the air.  "They didn't make them like that when I was a kid."

Well, that's one way to make science interactive.  And also to take out the ceiling fan, but try not to worry about that. 

Friday, September 3, 2021

Scheduling Troubles

Two people look at a message on a bulletin board that reads "There is trouble scheduled at 4:00 this afternoon."  Guy:  At least they're up front about it this time.  Girl:  "This time"?


Secure your passwords and put on a helmet.  It's going to be one of those days.  

The question is, does knowing make things easier, or is it the anticipation that kills? 

Friday, August 27, 2021

Having a Ball

Car gets pulled over for having its headlights aimed at a mounted disco ball.  Cop:  Do I even need to spell out why I pulled you over?  Driver:  Actually, I'm kind of surprised I got away with it for this long.

And that's a ticket for unauthorized vehicular modification, a ticket for compromising highway safety, and a ticket for causing a UFO panic. 

Friday, August 20, 2021

Teamwork

Little girls, wearing makeshift superhero costumes:  We're Team Super Sparkle Kitty, and together we can do anything!  Older brother, snarkily while playing a game boy:  So does that mean you can turn the Sahara Desert into frozen pink limeade?  Twenty years later, they're shown standing in the frozen desert, personal plane parked nearby, with the brother.  Brother:  Oh yeah.  I guess I did say that.  Sister (smirking while handing him a snow cone):  Come on.  Eat your words!

If all those teamwork-centric little kids' TV shows were taken to their logical conclusion. 

Friday, August 13, 2021

Mandatory Grilling

The kids "finish off" their veggies using flamethrowers, much to their mother's displeasure.  Boy:  Mom, we finished off our vegetables like you told us!  Girl:  Dessert now, please-and-thank-you?

Neither letter of the law nor spirit of the law, but maybe they'll get points for creativity. 

Friday, August 6, 2021

Run on the Blood Bank

Some vampires attempt to make a "run on the blood bank."  Vampires:  Chaaaarge!!!  Worker:  Ready the bazookas.

 Otherwise known as the reason why a large percentage of medical workers have also graduated from the Van Helsing Institute of Vampire Smiting. 

Saturday, July 31, 2021

For Gold and Glory

Rejected Olympic Events:  Trampoline Fencing, Equestrian Volleyball, Archery Diving, Rythmic Hammer Throwing

 Nothing says world peace and unity like people from around the world gathering to compete in events that are most definitely against the Geneva Convention, right? 

Friday, July 23, 2021

Magical Mirth

"Why is it snowing in my car?"  Never engage a unicorn in a prank war.

 Actually, never engage a unicorn in any kind of war.  The results of this kind at least will be hilarious, as long as you don't mind losing spectacularly. 

Friday, July 16, 2021

Washed Up

Two boys use use a garden hose and a blow dryer to do dishes, while both are on their phones.

 There's "work smarter, not harder," and then there's this. 

Friday, July 9, 2021

Friday, July 2, 2021

Shock and Awe

The goats hide as 4th of July fireworks light off.  Admiral:  Why are they doing this?  Are they insane?  Wisp:  No, there's a purpose.  In decades past, the ancient humans fought against evil spirits, and now light fireworks every year to scare them away and preserve freedom for mankind.  Admiral:  ...Oh.  I guess that makes sense.  Wisp:  Though our people light them in November too.  Brigadier:  Wait, what?!?  Galahad:  Do you blame them?


 Humans can't possibly enjoy bright, loud explosions... right?


Note:  Just to clarify, Bonfire Night is November 5th and involves fireworks, which is what the goats are referencing in the last panel.  Which yes, my family celebrates, because why not? 

Friday, June 18, 2021

Five Little Monkeys

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.  One fell off and bumped his head.  Daddy called the duct tape and the duct tape said, "No more monkeys jumping on the bed!"  Little monkey:  So... um, you want to play "I Spy"?

 How to use duct tape as a sleep aid!  

(Note: only useful in very specific circumstances.)

Friday, June 11, 2021

Cave Capra

"Beware of the Goat"  They're not joking.

 Thou hast meddled with Security.  Thou must be punished.  And also allow Security to show how macho he is. 

Friday, June 4, 2021

Wonder Waffles

Nazi General:  What's the status of the new wunderwaffe?  *Wonder weapon, or superweapon  Scientist:  Finished!  I'll admit, I was surprised at the request, but I think you'll be pleased.  With this waffle iron, we can make the greatest waffles on the planet!  General:  Waffe!  Not waffel!  Scientist:  Ohh...  Yes, that would make more sense.  Sergeant:  Hey, these are good waffles!
 

Why the Nazis lost, reason #874. 

Okay, so wunderwaffes were revolutionary Nazi superweapons, so said their propaganda department.  There's a bit from the Wikipedia article that sums it up.  

Historian Michael J. Neufeld has noted that "the net result of all these weapons, deployed or otherwise, was that the Reich wasted a lot of money and technical expertise in developing and producing exotic devices that yielded little or no tactical and strategic advantage".  

And when I first read about them, I kept reading wunderwaffe as "wunderwaffle," and the German version of waffle just happens to be waffel, so it was practically begging me to exploit it. 

If there's a language safe from my puns, I haven't found it.  


Note:  Color will come later.  But right now I'm tired and technology is ornery.  

EDIT:  Color has invaded!  Such as it is. 

Friday, May 28, 2021

Clean Sweep

Two guys from a yard work service survey a horrendeously messy yard.  Guy 1:  Where do we even start?  The second guy wordlessly hands him a can marked "napalm."  Guy 1:  Napalm isn't the answer to everything!  Guy 2:  It is this time.

 Whether it is the cause of or solution to problems is in the eye of the pyromaniac. 

Friday, May 21, 2021

First Will and Testament

Driver's Ed - First time on the highway:  Erin:  I'm not doing anything back here.  Do you want me to write your will?  Classmate:  Yes!  I love you, Mom, I love you, Dad...  Instructor:  That's not what a will is.  Classmate:  Don't care!

 An incident from back in driver's ed.  To be fair, I wasn't exactly a picture of confidence behind the wheel either.  But the instructor at no point screamed hysterically, so we were maybe probably not going to actually die. 

Friday, May 14, 2021

Friday, May 7, 2021

Friday, April 30, 2021

Tumbleweed Graveyard

Some hikers are overjoyed.  At last!  After years of searching, the legendary tumbleweed graveyard!

 There's several different kinds of tumbleweed.  The ones where I live are actually very civil, providing amusement for motorists before wandering off to the foothills.  Meanwhile, the ones in the rest of the country are far less considerate, burying houses and having the nerve to have spikes.  And are also an invasive species, which doesn't exactly improve relations. 

Friday, April 23, 2021

Friday, April 16, 2021

Nose Mythology

Student:  While not featured as prominently as eyes or hands, noses have played key roles in myths around the globe.  For example, the Guarani people of central South America worshiped Abaangui, who cut off his nose and threw it into the sky, where it became the moon.  In Japanese mythology, Susanoo, the god of storms, was born when the creator god washed his nose.  This was-  Teacher:  Hold up.  What exactly is your report on?  Student:  "Nose mythology."  It was on your list of topics we could pick from.  The teacher looks over the list, and then slumps face-down on his desk.  Student (glancing around nervously):  Unless it was supposed to be Norse mythology...  Teacher:  Curse you, perfectly-spelled typo!  Other student:  So, about my report on "the pantheon of Ancient Grease"...

 Spell-check fails us once again.  

And if you were wondering, yes, those are real myths.  Among others.  Yes, there are other nose-related myths.  You have been enlightened. 

Friday, April 9, 2021

Melodic With a Chance of Bricks

Professor:  Today the school choir has joined us to play through the "chance music" pieces you wrote.  Jake, let's start with you.  Jake:  My piece is entitled "Imminent Head Trauma."  Professor (passing out the sheet music):  And what aspect of chance did you incorporate into the piece?  Jake:  I'll be throwing bricks at the performers.  The chance is the sounds they make as they try to get out of the way.  Professor:  Ah.  Very good.  The performers look extremely concerned.  Professor:  Let's start from the top.  Behind her, Jake prepares to throw the first brick.

 "Chance Music" (also known as "Aleatoric music," from the Latin word alea, meaning "dice") is music either written or performed with elements of chance.  For example, a song written with the notes chosen by the roll of the dice, or one that includes a drawing of a tree in the sheet music, with the performers improvising based on what they think that should sound like.  When learning about it back in my college musicianship classes, my teacher asked us to list a few ways a few ways chance music could be written.  I was sorely tempted to write this one down, but restrained myself. 

Friday, April 2, 2021

Friday, March 19, 2021

Perfect Logic

Kindergarten teacher:  Class, today we're going to draw pictures of our principal!  5-year-old Erin stares at the blank sheet of paper.  Erin's thought process:  What does a principal look like?  She said his name is Mr. Black.  Spiders are black...  The teacher considers the final drawing.  Teacher:  It's... beautiful.  I'm sure he'll love it.

 Yes, this is a true story.  A rare glimpse into the exact thought process of a five-year-old. 

Friday, March 12, 2021

Temporary Pet

Mel (walking through the door):  So, um, this little guy was hanging around our door...  An orange cat follows her inside.  Pearl and Carmine:  Kitty!  Carmine:  You're such a pretty boy, yes you are!  Pearl:  Can we keep him?  Mel talks on her cell phone, then hangs up.  Mel:  Okay, the apartment manager says he can stay until we find his owners. Pearl and Carmine (hugging the cat): Yay! Pearl:  You just want to eat him, don't you? Carmine:  You know, I actually don't!

 Being a vampire means having to clarify things people normally don't need to clarify. 

Friday, March 5, 2021

Friday, February 26, 2021

Degrees of Action

12-degree Fahrenheit weather in different locations:  Georgia:  Doomsday  West Virginia:  I'll find the warm coats.  Wyoming:  So... Tuesday?  Minnesota:  Time to wash the car

 I'm told that the Minnesota thing is true.  Somehow.  


In other news, I'm back!  The photo comics were kind of fun, and I'll probably do more sometime, but it feels good to be drawing these again. 

Friday, February 12, 2021

Designated Babysitter

Lioness:  I won't be long.  Have fun, you two!  Lion:  By my calculation, it's been three minutes.  Cub:  Ooh, and next we can pretend to be dinosaurs, or eat a tree, or spin in circles really fast-!  Lion:  It's going to be a very long day.

 It's a tough job, but he'll rise to the challenge.  After all, his pride is at stake.  

I originally was going to do a Valentine's Day comic, also featuring modified lion photos.  Then I realized halfway through that it wasn't working, and wouldn't be able to salvage it in time.  Thus this.  Oh well.  

Oh, and before anyone asks, my wrist is healing well, and I can draw again!  But I have a few other art projects I'm trying to stay on top of, so I'm trying not to overdo it.  Should be back to regular comics soon, though. 

Friday, January 29, 2021

Mistakes Were Made

A goat is stuck inside a hay cage.  Goat:  I... may have made a small miscalculation.  A little help?  Goat 2:  You're on your own.

 Just because you can jump into the feed bin doesn't mean it's a good idea.  

These were some goats I saw at the state fair a few years back, so I don't know if this particular goat was already in a habit of trying to be clever.  But if he's anything like the goats I know, probably. 

Friday, January 15, 2021

An Introduction to Nature

Cat:  I seem to find myself in a garden, surrounded by flowers and the tranquil delights of nature.  AAAAAAUUUGH!!!

Being stranded among beautiful plant life builds character! 

I know it's the middle of winter, but I found these photos and couldn't resist.