Winter Warfare

Never engage a cartoon deer in an arms race.  And never use the phrase "arms race" in front of one, because she might decide to interpret it literally. 

While Mortals Sleep

 

...the angels keep their watch of wondering love.

Merry Christmas!

Gift Exchange

When cousins or roommates threaten to drain your blood for long enough, you develop a reputation. 

Friendly Beasts, Extended Edition

The Spirit of Christmas defies your puny complaints of anachronism!

Santa Q&A

But Mrs. Claus thinks he looks good in red, so he goes along with it. 

Tinsel and Error

 

It turns out that the word "tinsel" specifically means the shiny strands attached to a string as a garland (you know, the kind that looks like a feather boa).  The individual strands are called "lametta."  And there's probably almost two people in the country that actually care. 

Western Wild

Just close your eyes, count to ten, pray it's not an omen of worse things to come, and then see what you can get for it at the next trading post. 

Exact Words

Not quite what she had in mind. 


I know people are going to bug me about what they're actually saying, so here's the transcript: 

"No English, you say?"  (in German)
"You really should be more specific."  (in Russian)
"How was your vacation, Greg?"  (in Arabic)
"Pretty good.  I got some sleep."  (in Japanese)
"We like shiny things!"  (in Norwegian)
"Do you think she understands any of this?"  (in Greek)
"It's unlikely."  (in Maori)
"Long live the Revolution!"  (in Afrikaans)

Finally, I'd like to take this opportunity to dedicate this cartoon to Google Translate, for making it possible.  I also dedicate it to the kind people who will ignore any and all errors the aforementioned translator provided.  Thank you. 

Signs of the Times

A proper Driver's Ed instructor will prepare his students for all hazards they may encounter while on the road (minus getting stranded in North Dakota because you fed the radiator chili sauce, because let's face it - if you're dumb enough to get into that situation, no amount of instruction can save you). 

The Cupcake War Begins

Battles are won and lost.  Kingdoms rise and fall.  But nothing can stay the power of the cupcake.  Tread carefully, lest it consume you (metaphorically, because you're the one who's supposed to consume it).

Pretty Brainless

 

To be fair, I don't know for sure if Osiris really had his brain removed.  But given that Anubis does, on record, still have most of Osiris' innards in his possession, it's good guess.

On a related note, I just discovered that the beastie that Anubis is supposed to be was recently confirmed to be not a subspecies of golden jackal, but a separate species closer related to wolves, which is now called the African golden wolf (though I doubt the Ancient Egyptians knew the difference).  Funnily enough, it looks less wolf-like than actual jackals. 

This is the final Deities of Death comic for the year, so Osiris, Hel, and Anubis bid you all farewell for now and a happy Halloween!

Slow Day

Overlapping mythologies = job redundancy = occasional work shortage = boredom = desperation.  Therefore, overlapping mythologies = desperation.  Or something. 

Today's competitors are Grim, Sedna, Hel, Osiris, and Thanatos.  Maybe they'll learn to share. 

Been There, Punished That

Priorities often shift over time, frequently as a result of increased maturity.  Whether or not this qualifies is up for debate.

Today's Deity of Death comic features Hades, Persephone, and Cerberus. And before anyone asks, yes, I updated the look of Hades' helmet.  While the old design was derived from certain Ancient Greek helmet styles, it was still just something I threw together when I first drew him.  This new one is a combination of the old design and the Greco-Illyrian style helmet, which hopefully looks more appropriate for his King-of-the-Underworldness. 

Un-Undead

October has arrived once again, and that can mean only one...  okay, it can mean quite a lot of things, but on this particular site it usually means the Deities of Death are back, which they are.  Yays!

Today's comic stars none other than the Grim Reaper, who has put up with one too many undead entities. 

Questions Asked

My sixth grade science teacher loved students getting engaged and asking questions, but even she sometimes doubted the wisdom of having a poster encouraging questions hanging up during her particularly inquisitive fourth-hour class.  I can't remember for sure, but I probably was a contributing factor. 

High School Lesson #3103

There are many, many, many reasons why this is a bad idea.  Arguably one of them is the very fact that it involves allowing psychotic freshmen to handle pointy objects, but I'm pretty sure that at least at this particular school, the point is moot. 

Butterfly Effect

Admittedly if someone were to actually try this, it would be pretty hard to pin the consequences on them. 

Hold the Fort

When all the librarians in the state know you by name and favorite authors...
When you require six library cards to legally check out everything...
When people openly speculate over how you manage to read everything before the due dates...
...Then you may check out too many books from the library. 

Snuffed Out

Now she'll need to find a new way to consecrate her axes.  And her roommates (quietly) rejoiced. 

Sitting Duck

I figure that there's always going to be at least one language in which your name sounds really weird.  Hopefully it's not your own. 

A-Mace-Ing

Not as legal, but much better at getting your point across. 

One Nation, Really

While I may not know for certain about the others, panels #1 and #4 are completely accurate. 

And on the flipside, it turns out that Arizona of all places does have experience with snow.  It helps that the rim of the Grand Canyon is at a high enough altitude that it can get below freezing in the winter.  Proof: 

via Wikipedia

 

...but I'm pretty sure having a snowball fight up on the edge would end badly.  



Vampiric Flytrap

Genetic modification has officially gone too far. 
Fun fact:  Venus flytraps actually grow pretty flowers.  Who'd have thunk it?

Fossil Fortunes

...And others will be kept as crowing farm animals that everyone says other things taste like. 
Sorry about that.

Insomniac Dreams

Yes, this really happened.  Sleep deprivation + lucid dreaming experience = weirdness. 

Hairy Light Cultists

 

Name:  Euxoa auxiliaris, otherwise known as the "army cutworm," the "miller moth," or the "airborne ick."

Physical Description:  Small, brown, ugly, and hairy.

Intelligence:  Low.  Really, really low. 

Behavior:  Will charge about chaotically, oblivious to all obstacles (including walls), even after crashing into them repeatedly.  The concept of "boundaries" is lost on them.  Have an all-consuming fascination with light sources of any kind, indicating that they haven't yet figured out that they're supposed to be nocturnal.  The entire species may be drunk. 

Benefit to the Ecosystem:  Bat food.  That's it. 

Goldilocks Grahams

 

Although why anyone would leave a perfectly good s'more unattended is beyond me. 

Just the Usual

Just an everyday mauling.  Nothing to see here. 

A Huge Plot Twist

It's just you.  I think. 

While poking around the local library, I noticed several children's books that all had titles along the lines of "X does/says Y."  I never got around to checking what was actually on the inside, and I assume it's more substantial than this, but I can't imagine how. 

Driving Me Crazy

The two of us may have slightly different opinions on what constitutes "fun." 

A Spot of Donut Trouble

You'd think he'd know better than to come between a reality-warping cartoon deer and her pastries.

Seven-Inch Scourge

Of course, regular squirrels are pretty terrifying.  Despite their reputation as cute, fuzzy nut-lovers, they are known to engage in predatory behavior on a disturbingly frequent basis.  They can and do eat insects, birds, smaller rodents, and snakes.  This is most commonly seen in the thirteen-lined ground squirrel, a creature which coincidentally also inspired the Goldy Gopher mascot of the University of Minnesota.  Don't mess with Goldy if you know what's good for you. 

Honest Vending Machine

Most people I know need ice cream by the end of finals, even if they passed them all. 


Before anyone asks, yes this comic is a day late.  Under normal circumstances it would have been finished on schedule, but some family commitments came up that ate up all my time.  By the end of the day I had completely snapped and was laughing hysterically at air bags, and so was completely beyond accomplishing anything even remotely productive.  So I'd like to thank everyone for being understanding (you are understanding, right?), and for allowing the deadlines for this comic to be a wee bit more flexible than those of school projects. 

Comfort Food

Schoolwork has a way of uniting people. 

He Was Methstaken

I was going to make a "Typos:  Not Even Once" joke, but that's probably in poor taste. 

Descended Too Far

Despite what you might guess, dogs and wolves are still technically the same species, and hybrids between wolves and things like poodles exist.  Thankfully, I'm pretty sure a hybrid between a wolf and a Chihuahua can't happen (knock on wood). 

Apparently Chihuahuas, Chinese Cresteds, and hybrids of the two, are regular contenders in the World's Ugliest Dog Contest.  This alone says volumes. 

Zen Vampire

Words of wisdom indeed. 

Art Most Modern

The rule these days seems to be that if you argue loudly enough that it's art, it's art.  It's a good thing that this isn't the case with the laws of science, or we'd all be in a lot of trouble. 

That said, all of these are better than some of the actual works I've seen on display at a modern art museum, which don't even have the excuse of last-minute panic.  There was one that looked like it had been thrown together using a spirograph and junk from under the couch cushions.  Another was composed solely of twelve blue tiles, with the shade of blue of each being determined by how many times the "artist" had used the bus in a particular month (the most interesting part of that one was a place that had accidentally been scratched).  And then there is the one that is literally nothing more than a black, football-shaped blob on white paper.  Do I need more examples, or have I made my point?

High School Lessons #8026

We do not ask how.  We do not ask why.  We just ask how to keep it away from us. 

Yolked Together

Of course, most people I know consider "good pun" to be an oxymoron.  Which coincidentally is what you'd call these two guys. 

The Joke's on Who?

 

Baiting already dangerous roommates is now officially considered an extreme sport.  As declared by me, because I can. 

Note:  Yes, the color is late.  Again.  But at least I colored in the important parts, right?

EDIT:  Color pixels found!  Oh, most glorious delight and joy!

Like a Lion

Let's be honest here.  Mother Nature cares nothing for your cutesy idioms.  If she wants to send you frost and tumbleweeds the whole month, then you're going to get them whether you like it or not.  Just accept it like an adult and move on. 

Do-Donut

I've never understood why dodos are the poster child for recently extinct animals.  I can think of at least half a dozen more interesting extinct animals off the top of my head, yet the most famous one remains an ugly flightless pigeon-thing that people seem to only care about because it's extinct.  Funnily enough, its closest living relative really is one of the more interesting species of pigeon. 

Virtually Vampiric

Who says that video games cause violence?

Stare Contest

One of the many Chuck Norris "facts" I've heard is that he beat Medusa in a staring contest. 
Not that hard, actually. 

The Real Jackalope

Run Bambi, run. 

Starts with an "M"

Nice?  No.  Merited?  Yes. 

Refrygerator

A mysterious incident involving leftover egg cassarole, fermented carrot juice, a report card, and a rubber chicken. 

Ginger-Dread Man

He's wielding a spearmint.  Because I haven't made enough bad puns today. 

Mighty Monk!

Who shall fight Super Vampire?  The one and only Might Monk!  Nobody tell the Pope about this. 

Speaking of oddball superheroes, I finally finished that "Christmas Creep" cartoon from last month, so you can all go look at the finished product now.  Enjoy!

Boom Berries

Some teachers just wouldn't know funny if it blew up in their faces. 

I Am the Walrus

Pride comes before looking ridiculous.  At least there aren't any vampire eggmen so far. 
Goo-goo-ga-joob. 

Employee Restrooms

This is, quite seriously, what's on the doors of the employee restrooms at my workplace.  Given that there are only about four guys out of the 40+ workers, it's pretty justified. 

Easier Said

There are some things that don't come quite as naturally to certain people.