New Year's Night

This has been a very long week and I am very tired, so in order to preserve some semblance of that thing you humans call "sanity," I decided that trying to draw something funny while unable to think straight was a bad idea.  But fear not, because you get this somewhat amusing and applicable doodle I did a couple years ago.  Happy 2013!  Here's to another year of insanity, half-baked doomsday theories, cat-infested websites, and chocolate.  And maybe sleep if we're lucky. 

Joy Ride

Black Pete strikes again, this time joined by a trio of elves with cabin fever and some crazy flying caribou. 
I wanted to do something special for Christmas this year, so here it is, for better or worse.  To my family, yes, this is the reason I've been hiding in my room for the last week. 

To everyone in general:  Merry Christmas!

Last-Ditch Effort

Santa's inbox is probably in the quintuple digits by now.  Looks like he'll be putting his time-warping powers to good use.  Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

I've just been finishing up my finals for this semester, and then I'm off on break.  And I might have even passed all of my classes.  *Gasp!*  Does this mean I'm actually allowed to get some sleep? 

Nah, must be my imagination. 

The Thought That Counts

There are several perils of having vampires for neighbors, and not just from the threat of becoming a midnight snack.  Poor Steve can't catch a break. 

But 'tis the season, so we should at least try to love (or at least tolerate) our neighbors, regardless of their eating habits. 


And before anyone asks, I'm honestly not sure if Steve's mom A) is just being polite, B) is unaware of what's in those cookies, or C) actually likes blood biscuits. 
Though if it's the last one, I deeply pity her non-vampire relatives. 

The Rules are a Lie

Have I mentioned before that I'm a music major?  No?  Okay then.  I'm a music major.  Composer, cartoonist, and general starving artist at your service. 

In any case, I tend to run into a lot of rather bizarre stuff.  Case in point, my first-semester theory teachers, who liked to pretend that music had hard-and-fast rules that lasted now and forever.  Then comes Theory 4, in which all the rules get thrown unceremoniously out the window and we learn, as one student put it, how to speak whale. 

It's not all bad weird, though.  Sometimes we have fun.  The other day my teacher discovered this song, which my class then sung on a Christmas caroling expedition to the Theory 1 class.  So to kick off this holiday season, I'll share it with you. 
And if you don't find it even half as funny as I do, well, I won't be mad. 

Black-Out Friday

To all the employees who have bosses either sadistic enough or oblivious to human suffering enough to force you to have the stores opened before midnight on Thursday, you have my profound sympathy. 

In my tradition of defying stereotypes, I'm a girl who hates shopping, even under normal circumstances (unless it's at a book store and not involving textbooks).  Thus, I am at a complete loss as to why anyone, sane or not, would subject themselves to this.  Hint:  If a shopping spree becomes violent enough to warrant being featured on the MSN homepage, there is a problem. 

I think I'll file this under the "mysteries of the universe" category, alongside Dark Energy, the Bermuda Triangle, and why on earth my roommates thought that having an after-curfew hair-dying party was a good idea. 


...Remind me sometime to tell you the story of how my mother nearly destroyed my soul with pants shopping.  *shudder*

The Inevitable

If something like this happens to you, you're either a pet in the 21st century, or a human who seriously needs to reconsider his choice in friends. 

From Sea to Shining Sea

One botched inspirational speech, brought to you by Dilettante Comics. 

On behalf of the United States, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to the rest of the world for infecting the internet with American political nonsense for the last couple of weeks.  Unless you actually like this stuff, in which case you should probably consider therapy. 

I shall now conclude this post by bringing in a horde of sickenly cute children to sing "It's a Small World."

I'm kidding, I'm kidding. 

...

...You have the song stuck in your head now, right?

Mwa-ha-ha.

The Perfect Distraction

My current theory is that vampires infected the internet with cats (and many other time-wasting websites) in order to keep their prey distracted. 
Actually, a lot of things could be explained as vampiric handiwork.  Anti-glare screens?  So you can't see them sneaking up behind you.  Loud music?  So you can't hear them.  Mind-numbing paperwork?  Much easier to get you when you're half-asleep and/or half-dead, depending on how boring it is. 

...Wait a minute.  It all makes sense now!  Vampires hired Stephanie Meyer to write those dumb Twilight books in order to purposely misinform all those lovesick fangirls so that they'd be easier vampire targets!  And then all the people complaining about how vampires are really supposed to wither and die in sunlight would also become easier targets because it turns out that the thing about sunlight killing vampires didn't start until that Nosferatu film in the 1920's  (yes, that technically means that Stephanie Meyer was actually right about something, but don't worry.  I doubt she knew about this.  And they still don't sparkle). 

At last, the world makes sense!  Maybe.  Sort of. 

Well, it's a start. 


EDIT:  My father kindly pointed out that vampires don't have reflections, making my comment concerning anti-glare screens moot.  Whoops.  In my defense, I typed the above late at night and on little sleep.  I tend to do weird(er) things under those kinds of circumstances. 
On the other hand, maybe they just want you to think that they don't have reflections.  Hmm....

Nah.  Just me being sleep-deprived. 
I'm going to bed now.

Can't Choose Your Relatives

We got snow where I live this week.  This comic was entirely justified. 

So for the fourth and final Deities of Death comic of the year, we have the Norse goddess Hel (no sophomoric jokes about her name, please), joined by her dad (Loki), her brothers Jormungand and Fenris, and Odin, Thor, and Tyr.  I always thought it was kind of convenient that Loki just happened to have a half-skeleton daughter, and the underworld just happened to need a ruler. 

Wait.  I left this on far too depressing a note.  This needs to be remedied. 

Much better. 


Happy Halloween!

Swift Wings and Loud Games

Here we have Thanatos, Greek god of death, and his brother Hypnos, Greek god of sleep.  In cases like this, this probably works to Thanatos' advantage. 

...Wait a minute.  It all makes sense now!  This is what caused the zombie apocalypse!


Oops.

Perchance to Dream

...And if you keep the Grim Reaper distracted for long enough, he might forget to take who he came for when he leaves. 

Hmm...  The Grim Reaper:  patron of the arts.  Who knew?
Anyhow, all's well that ends well. 

Single File

As you might have gathered, it's now October, which means that the Deities of Death have returned!  Today we have Hades (along with Persephone) and Charon, the long-suffering ferryman of the underworld. 
At least he gets paid.  It's more than most of the other deities can say. 

I Dream of Steampunk

And thus was the shiny modern era overtaken by an archaic view of the future.  But there are cool goggles, so it's all good. 


Throw in some cake and a few more small fuzzy animals, and this would be my sister's idea of paradise. 

Icing the Body Electric

Yes, puns are an extremely low form of humor.  However, you get cake and a pair of cute, colorful androids in the process, so don't complain. 

High School Lesson #2921

Pens and pencils are sharp and plentiful around places of education.  Please keep this in mind before you decide to tick off your teacher. 

The Middleman

Quick question:  If vampires are those who extend their lives by intaking blood of others, does that mean that anyone who's had a blood transfusion is a vampire?

Just wondering....

So Let it be Sung

The first electric guitar was invented by George Beauchamp in 1931.  See?  This blog is educational!

So let it be written....

High School Lesson #3267

My sister is about to start middle school, so I decided that this is the perfect time to give her my own brand of advice that is extremely applicable throughout life. 

You're welcome.

The Minister's Cat

Yes, 'xerodermatic' is a real word. 

The Minister's Cat is a game where you go round the circle and have each player come up with an adjective to describe the cat using a certain letter of the alphabet, then move on to the next letter when someone messes up.  The game generally ends when everyone gets sick of it and decides to leave the room.  On car trips, however, no one can really leave, so things tend to get ugly.  And then the cat dies.  Many, many times. 


My brother loves cats.  I think I hear him whimpering. 

Pinking

And now we know where cavities come from.

Happy Birthday!

Yep!  Dilettante Comics has been under operation for a whole year!  WOOH!!!  And now you know that I'm insane enough to name all the characters in my logo, sans the flaming butterfly.  Though frankly, it's been a year, and I still have no idea whether Ariel the Alien is a boy or a girl. 

I actually double-checked.  Turns out that Frond was wrong.  I actually did draw rabbits in a cartoon!  Once.  This one right here.  So there.  Frond's usually in a better mood.  She's just a bit irritable because she had to babysit her cousins last weekend.  Insert joke about large rabbit families here. 

And to celebrate keeping this up for a year, I think I'll sleep.  And then the rest of you can celebrate because it means I'll stop rambling for a while.

Vampiric Gold

Because the Olympics aren't just for humans. 

And before anyone gets on my case, I am well aware that the events displayed in the above picture are most likely not in line with the Geneva Convention. 
But really.  Is anything vampires do in line with the Geneva Convention?

Heck.  Are vampires in line with the Geneva Convention?

I'm going on a tangent. 
Why are you still reading this? 
Go watch the Olympics. 
Good day.

Keep Calm

It's late.  I'm tired.  I've spent the last week obsessing over finals and packing.  So this week you get this poster I made a few months ago. 

In other news, BILBY!!! ^^

Beginning of the End

For the record, the above is more of a representation of my mental state rather than of what I've actually been doing recently.  So no, I haven't been making any voodoo dolls.  This semester.  Special thanks goes to my roommate for agreeing to appear in this comic, even though I kind of posted it before I asked her. 

By my count, I believe this is my 50th comic.  Yay!

Oh, and in case anyone cares, doing a mind-meld with literature doesn't work.  Even if you are an actual Vulcan.

The Rocket's Red Glare

1 group of pyromaniac school-age kids + $500 of fireworks on clearance = 1 unplanned trip to the moon. 

Please do not try to replicate this at home.  These people are in the vacuum of space without helmets, which a typical human lung does not appreciate. 

Hmm?  Oh yeah.  And something about hurting yourself with those fireworks.

High School Lesson #7777

One man's teacher is another man's lunch.

Murphy Was Here

The sad thing is that for once I'm not exaggerating.  This is exactly what happened at my dorm last year.  No, I still don't know how my roommate managed to start a fire by boiling water.  All I know is that I was up until 10 o'clock at night helping her wipe all the smoke stains off of the walls and ceiling because the head managers were going to do a white-glove clean check in a couple of days.  The rest of my roommates conveniently showed up after most of the work was already done. 

On the plus side, now I can find comfort in knowing that despite all the times my cooking attempts have failed dramatically, I have never screwed up this badly.

Cat Wanna

And thus the world was saved by a herd of cats and a crazy lady with a katana (cat-tana, get it?  Oh, never mind....) 

And thus a certain cartoonist admitted to herself that she had probably been watching too many cheesy monster B-movies lately.

Desperate Times

Karaoke is designed to provide entertainment to amateur singers, and torture for everyone else. 
I wouldn't mind so much if the singers would either refrain from doing this on public property, or else learn to actually sing in tune.

...

Wow.  For a second I actually fooled myself into thinking that was possible.

Fly-by-Night

 

Vampires are often depicted with shapeshifting abilities, and according to Slavic folklore, they turned into butterflies.  Yes, really. 
Other forms include, of course, the popular bat, cats (with two tails), and sometimes even dogs. 

And in case you're wondering, yes, there is such thing as vampire deer. 
Now you'll never look at Bambi the same way again. 

You're welcome.

Brain Bleach

 

Forget lightsabers.  Someone go invent actual brain bleach.  Now.  You will be a hero to the universe.

Mouseworks

Just as long as your computer has a mouse instead of a rat....

Night to Bear Arms

For the record, I'm still following my "killing people is bad" policy.  I just find that venting my aggressions through art is cheaper than therapy. 

On a related not, could someone please explain to me whether or not redecorating the living room in the middle of the night is really a normal-person thing?  I'm not normal, so I wouldn't know.

My Brother, the Vampire

Aren't you glad you don't have Dracula for a brother? 

...Unless, of course, you do, in which case you have my profound sympathy.

Not Technically Winter

We got snow where I live the other day, so I figured that this was appropriate.  Darn you, Persephone.  It's a good thing I like the snow....

On another note, I'm still wondering what Hades was watching.

Love Thy Neighbor

...and if you feel like taking a baseball bat to your neighbor's head, at the very least do it in the most loving way possible.

Blood Suckers

One of the reasons why you don't see many vampires living in warmer climates. 
The other reason is that it's hard to sport a nice swishy black cape when it's 90 degrees in the shade.

Not-The-Bunny

Puts a whole new meaning to "killer rabbit," doesn't it?  I suppose I could add a joke to the large collection of jokes about how everything in Australia is capable of killing you, but I don't think that's necessary. 

Bilbies are nocturnal, omnivorous marsupials related to the bandicoot, except much cuter.  Since they're endangered and look kind of like rabbits, the Aussies sell chocolate bilbies around Easter in order to raise conservation effort awareness.  I think they're adorable.  My family thinks I'm nuts.  Here's a video of them.  I'll let you be the judge: 

You have been enlightened.  Happy Easter!

Walk the Prank

Happy April Fools' Day, everyone!

Now, if you'll excuse me, those teddy bears aren't going to stick themselves into the freezer.

Episode V: The Hedgepire Strikes Back

I honestly have no idea where this came from.

Paint it Green

Apparently someone asked the magical leprechaun for the power to defy physics instead of the pot of gold. 

Not a bad trade-off.

Nosebleed

I'm not making this up.  Rocky Mountain vampires really were supposed to snort blood from their victim's ear.  No, I don't get it either.  My guess is that we have an intoxicated Shoshone guy to thank for this. 

But in the meantime, I get to amuse myself by wreaking havoc with the dreams of little Twilight fans.

You're welcome.

Stone(ball) Age

To the best of my knowledge, American football goes something like this:
A bunch of grown men chase around a little brown-and-white stripy ball across a green-and-white stripy field under the supervision of a couple of black-and-white stripy guys, and try to stick said little ball through a giant fork which may or may not be stripy. 
And feet are also involved somehow. 

I live in a weird country.

High School Lesson #8364

I should really try following my own advice one of these days.

Heart Attack

Ah, Valentines day.  A day of mushy sentiments, excessive jewelry commercials, and inedible conversation hearts.

Wait, you say there is also chocolate?
Okay.  I'll stick around.

High School Lesson #1345

Not all nerds are vampires, of course.  Don't be silly. 

Some of us are werewolves and aliens.

Boars of War

So remember, kids:  friends don't let friends forget to feed the pigs. 


And now you know why there's a tribal pig in the banner for this website.

Don't Forget My Unicorns

Unicorns in Space!!!!

What, did you really think Noah would have saved the mosquitoes, but not the unicorns?

Infernal Creatures

One of the feral cats that hangs around my house managed to have a pair of extremely adorable kittens, which use said powers of adorableness to plague us in this exact fashion. 

At one point my family dubbed them Dante and Inferno, which turned out to be far more appropriate than we could have imagined.

Daydream Disbeliever

No, I have never had a dream like this.

Mine generally make even less sense.

Wizards of Winter

Not pictured is our parents giving us very odd looks, or my mother telling us that going through with our little ritual would open a gateway to the underworld. 

Where I live, it is considered perfectly normal to have snow and below-freezing temperatures from October through April.  When it isn't, then we know that something is wrong with the universe, and the appropriated counter-measures must be taken. 
Like doing a Snow Dance. 

Oh, and in case you're wondering about the soul-eating unicorn, here she is:

Sweet dreams.